[Eren's eyes fall back down to his lap, where he now holds his hands, palms up. He looks like he's searching for something - the answer, maybe, but he already knows it.]
[Lifting his head again, he glares at her; there are tears brimming in his eyes.]
They all died because of me. You don't get it. I could have saved them and I didn't - I didn't because they asked me to trust them. And I did trust them. And now they're a-all--
[He chokes on his words, sucking in a breath that sounds more like a backwards sob.]
[He’s right, she doesn’t get it. Not the military life, and not how Eren’s failure to save them makes him responsible. But Aubrey does get lashing out from grief (oh, does she understand that), so his glare only momentarily phases her.]
You can cry. [The words are blunt; the tone is soft.] Just… let it out.
[The permission is all it takes. Eren curls forward until his face is buried in his knees, his arms crossed stubbornly over them. He sobs. It's such a terribly young-sounding cry; he's only fifteen years old. And the longer he cries, the smaller he sounds.
[The emotion rapidly gives way to anger.]
That bitch! [His hands come up to curl in his hair now, tugging roughly in frustration. He's tempted to start beating at his own skull.]
Traitor. And we don't even know who. Their deaths meant nothing - they meant nothing!
[It’s such a terrible thing to watch, to hear. He’s just a kid. War spares no one, but his world’s seems especially cruel. Aubrey wants to reach out again, but when he startled the first time and they’re still sitting on a ledge…]
[His emotions shift before she can make up her mind. She watches his hands carefully; anger like this is never kind inside or out. If he draws blood at any point Aubrey will reach for them immediately—but for now, she simply listens.]
[Of course their deaths meant nothing. It’s hard to justify no matter what…]
It’s terrible.
[A thought to herself, compulsion giving it voice:] You shouldn’t have had to carry that…
[He really, objectively may be right, is the thing. At the same time…]
Does that help anyone, now? [There’s a frustration to it; it’s not for Eren, really.] What’s done is done. But…
[She reaches for his hands, to hold them firm; one in each of her own. It’s a self-reminder, too, to stay present. Talking about the long term can only sound demeaning when the wound’s fresh.] I know guilt. I know guilt—can you trust me on that?
[It's not that it sounds demeaning, really - maybe dismissive is a better word - but Aubrey takes Eren's hands before he can get angry again. It surprises him; it grounds him. He squeezes them both without thinking, hot tears still fresh in his eyes.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[“Fault”…?]
[Are they close enough t— Oh, hell with that. Aubrey reaches for his hand, just to lay hers over it.]
Responsible…?
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[Rapidly, his eyes begin to glisten.]
Yes.
Yes...
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[…Ah.
[She can’t pretend to know, and there’s only so much she can ask. Does she really need details, though?
[How could they put him through that?]
Why…?
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Trust...
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[Trust…ed the wrong person? The wrong plan?]
Yours?
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[The universe unmercifully relents long enough for Eren to get more than a word out.]
I trusted them.
They all...
[He clams up again, whether by virtue of the universe's rules, or by virtue of his own shame.]
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[It doesn’t sound much like a sacrifice anymore. But context remains missing, and he clearly feels responsible....]
It’s not… your fault, for having faith in people.
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[Lifting his head again, he glares at her; there are tears brimming in his eyes.]
They all died because of me. You don't get it. I could have saved them and I didn't - I didn't because they asked me to trust them. And I did trust them. And now they're a-all--
[He chokes on his words, sucking in a breath that sounds more like a backwards sob.]
Sh-shit...
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[He’s right, she doesn’t get it. Not the military life, and not how Eren’s failure to save them makes him responsible. But Aubrey does get lashing out from grief (oh, does she understand that), so his glare only momentarily phases her.]
You can cry. [The words are blunt; the tone is soft.] Just… let it out.
curse 15 icons
[The emotion rapidly gives way to anger.]
That bitch! [His hands come up to curl in his hair now, tugging roughly in frustration. He's tempted to start beating at his own skull.]
Traitor. And we don't even know who. Their deaths meant nothing - they meant nothing!
🤝
[It’s such a terrible thing to watch, to hear. He’s just a kid. War spares no one, but his world’s seems especially cruel. Aubrey wants to reach out again, but when he startled the first time and they’re still sitting on a ledge…]
[His emotions shift before she can make up her mind. She watches his hands carefully; anger like this is never kind inside or out. If he draws blood at any point Aubrey will reach for them immediately—but for now, she simply listens.]
[Of course their deaths meant nothing. It’s hard to justify no matter what…]
It’s terrible.
[A thought to herself, compulsion giving it voice:] You shouldn’t have had to carry that…
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It's no one's but mine to carry, Aubrey...
You don't know what I'm capable of. I could have saved them. I should have...
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[He really, objectively may be right, is the thing. At the same time…]
Does that help anyone, now? [There’s a frustration to it; it’s not for Eren, really.] What’s done is done. But…
[She reaches for his hands, to hold them firm; one in each of her own. It’s a self-reminder, too, to stay present. Talking about the long term can only sound demeaning when the wound’s fresh.] I know guilt. I know guilt—can you trust me on that?
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["Can you trust me on that?"]
Of course...