He said one thing, and I just sort of blurted it out. [He said it like he didn't even care; that isn't true.] Then, I sort of...realized what was happening.
We've talked since then. [What has Maruki been saying to him? It feels more shameful than anything to repeat it.
[But he'll tell Levi the truth, even if it's rotten.]
He...says that I'm still a good person, despite everything. I know it isn't true, but...he seems to think so.
He resents what we went through. I guess he blames it all on that. That's wrong. I know.
[ Levi doesn't refute or confirm Eren's comment about being a good person; there's no argument where activating the rumbling and wiping out 80% of the world's population (and even then only because you were stopped from taking out the rest) is done for a good reason. But even in the face of that, he isn't interested in passing judgment on this Eren in front of him. ]
He resents it, huh.
[ Something about that grates; that a stranger from some other world who hasn't actually experienced the horrors of their world, even if he saw it in some dream magic or whatever the fuck, can resent that reality. Reality. That word again.
But perhaps a strange part of him can't help feeling irate over the idea that someone who doesn't actually have any fucking clue believes he can...what? Fix Eren's mind? ]
He contacted me, and maybe Erwin too, saying that you guys have talked a lot. I don't know what his angle is supposed to be, but he gives me the fucking creeps like an old man leering at a girl in the street. Said he researched people's minds, so maybe you're just his latest lab rat.
[Eren flinches at that. There's a brief look of...horror? Hurt? Something that flashes across his face.
[He tries to steel himself, but...
[He saved Maruki in that dream for a reason.]
You really think that...? [He's listening. He holds Captain Levi's opinion in higher esteem than anyone. But it's a painful thought.] I...I don't know. He seems so...
[What? Nice? That doesn't mean trustworthy. Eren feels like an idiot. He's not at all sure what to do. He doesn't expect Captain Levi to answer that for him; after all, he's always encouraged Eren to make his own choices...]
He's smart, like...he knows what he's doing. And when I'm done talking to him, I feel...[A miserable shrug. He's so stupid. His voice gets quiet.] I thought I felt better.
[ No, nice absolutely doesn't mean trustworthy. Abuse of all sorts was rampant in the underground, though often there was little reason to hide it. The strong exploited the weak, sometimes with fists and sometimes with a smile and an open palm. A man had once tried to insist that he was the only one who could save him, only minutes after letting his compatriots nearly beat him to death. The act had been a pathetic attempt to save his own skin after watching a child tear the face from a grown man.
Maruki is much smarter and more cunning, but to Levi's nose, he smells the same.
Which is why the last thing Eren says twists at his gut. ]
And what is he doing, exactly?
Eren, I'm just telling you my intuition. It's up to you what to do with it. I could tell you not to talk to him, but that's not my call to make with you brats anymore. Your life and your choices are your own here.
Think about what sort of things he tells you, or asks. Why is he so interested in you?
After all this, I can't say I don't appreciate that...[He sounds like a child.]
He just talks me through shit. He tries to help me understand why I feel the way I do. I still don't, but it helps. I'd be lying if I said I understood why.
As for why he chose me, I don't know. I think he helps a lot of people. Like I said, it's apparently his job.
[A "mind doctor". It all sounds so fucking stupid now.]
And it was Erwin's job once to convince rich pigs to give us their money, or convince the higher ups to not actually chop you up into little pieces, remember? How do you think he did that? By weaving pretty words that are mostly true but with a goal in mind, telling them exactly what they want to hear. It might not be all lies, no - like I said, most of it is true with a little bit of help, like beating your face in front of the whole room to show that I could keep you under control. But it was manipulation to turn the situation to our advantage.
I've only met him once so I can't say what his real goal might be. But I can see how your brain might make a tasty meal to someone who gets his jollies by figuring out what makes someone tick and how they view their world.
[ Reality. ]
Be careful. That's all.
[ Probably a bit late for that, but some doubt will do him good; even if Eren might not be able to navigate through it himself. That's fine. Levi won't be far away. ]
[Eren listens, dutiful as he is with Captain Levi, even after all he's been through - it's hard to look him in the eye, though. There are an awful lot of people in this world, and his world, and probably any world that are much smarter than Eren, and that's glaringly obvious right now. Captain Levi is one of them. Maruki is another...]
Thank you. [He means it.] I will. [He'll try.] If anything happens...
[Finally, he meets Levi's eyes, firm.] You'll be the first to know, Captain.
[ His goal certainly isn't to shame Eren or anything like it. It comes down to experience, really, and Levi can only hope that he'll remember his guidance, even if he decides not to act on it. ]
...good.
[ He gestures to the gear. ]
Anyway. Even with what I said earlier, you've gotten a lot better. Keep it up.
[Then, the decision is his. He's not too great at making the right ones. He'll be careful this time. He really will...lmao and IIIII live in the future
[They're back to talking about his ODM maneuvers, and he's grateful. The praise doesn't hurt.
[He nods, firm. His fist goes to his heart - still, yes, even to this day.]
[ The salute isn't necessary, but Levi takes it as a more solid indication that Eren does still choose to listen to him, or at least try. At least part of him is still a soldier.
Seemingly satisfied, and just to leave him with one last little bit of encouragement, Levi reaches up a hand to gently squeeze Eren's shoulder before stalking away again. ]
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no subject
He said one thing, and I just sort of blurted it out. [He said it like he didn't even care; that isn't true.] Then, I sort of...realized what was happening.
We've talked since then. [What has Maruki been saying to him? It feels more shameful than anything to repeat it.
[But he'll tell Levi the truth, even if it's rotten.]
He...says that I'm still a good person, despite everything. I know it isn't true, but...he seems to think so.
He resents what we went through. I guess he blames it all on that. That's wrong. I know.
no subject
He resents it, huh.
[ Something about that grates; that a stranger from some other world who hasn't actually experienced the horrors of their world, even if he saw it in some dream magic or whatever the fuck, can resent that reality. Reality. That word again.
But perhaps a strange part of him can't help feeling irate over the idea that someone who doesn't actually have any fucking clue believes he can...what? Fix Eren's mind? ]
He contacted me, and maybe Erwin too, saying that you guys have talked a lot. I don't know what his angle is supposed to be, but he gives me the fucking creeps like an old man leering at a girl in the street. Said he researched people's minds, so maybe you're just his latest lab rat.
no subject
[He tries to steel himself, but...
[He saved Maruki in that dream for a reason.]
You really think that...? [He's listening. He holds Captain Levi's opinion in higher esteem than anyone. But it's a painful thought.] I...I don't know. He seems so...
[What? Nice? That doesn't mean trustworthy. Eren feels like an idiot. He's not at all sure what to do. He doesn't expect Captain Levi to answer that for him; after all, he's always encouraged Eren to make his own choices...]
He's smart, like...he knows what he's doing. And when I'm done talking to him, I feel...[A miserable shrug. He's so stupid. His voice gets quiet.] I thought I felt better.
no subject
Maruki is much smarter and more cunning, but to Levi's nose, he smells the same.
Which is why the last thing Eren says twists at his gut. ]
And what is he doing, exactly?
Eren, I'm just telling you my intuition. It's up to you what to do with it. I could tell you not to talk to him, but that's not my call to make with you brats anymore. Your life and your choices are your own here.
Think about what sort of things he tells you, or asks. Why is he so interested in you?
Do whatever you want, but I'll be watching him.
no subject
He just talks me through shit. He tries to help me understand why I feel the way I do. I still don't, but it helps. I'd be lying if I said I understood why.
As for why he chose me, I don't know. I think he helps a lot of people. Like I said, it's apparently his job.
[A "mind doctor". It all sounds so fucking stupid now.]
Still, I hear you. I do...
no subject
I've only met him once so I can't say what his real goal might be. But I can see how your brain might make a tasty meal to someone who gets his jollies by figuring out what makes someone tick and how they view their world.
[ Reality. ]
Be careful. That's all.
[ Probably a bit late for that, but some doubt will do him good; even if Eren might not be able to navigate through it himself. That's fine. Levi won't be far away. ]
no subject
Thank you. [He means it.] I will. [He'll try.] If anything happens...
[Finally, he meets Levi's eyes, firm.] You'll be the first to know, Captain.
no subject
...good.
[ He gestures to the gear. ]
Anyway. Even with what I said earlier, you've gotten a lot better. Keep it up.
we can wrap here if you'd like oughhh
lmao and IIIII live in the future[They're back to talking about his ODM maneuvers, and he's grateful. The praise doesn't hurt.
[He nods, firm. His fist goes to his heart - still, yes, even to this day.]
Sir. I will.
okok
Seemingly satisfied, and just to leave him with one last little bit of encouragement, Levi reaches up a hand to gently squeeze Eren's shoulder before stalking away again. ]